That Sketchy Guy Screaming at a Tree While Biking is Probably Just Trying

That Sketchy Guy Screaming at a Tree While Biking is Probably Just Trying

EUGENE, OR — Local residents were comforted Sunday morning after officials confirmed that the sketchy man pedaling a squeaky mountain bike in a sagging jacket and backwards cap—while hollering at a tree about "leaf surveillance"—was “almost definitely just trying to beat Grandma to church.” Witnesses reported seeing the man—identified only as "Blade"—zigzagging down the sidewalk with a crumpled Fred Meyer bag flapping from his handlebars and a w…