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Asking Eric: Gay Man Feels Trapped with Guilt He Feels From Not Caring for Partner Dying of AIDS

A man in his late 50s struggles with guilt and shame for emotionally neglecting his partner who died from AIDS, reflecting on unworthiness and the need for forgiveness.

  • A man in his late-50s wrote to R. Eric Thomas confessing he emotionally neglected his partner, who passed from AIDS, and acted selfishly as the partner languished.
  • He explains that deep shame and feelings of unworthiness stem from never imagining anyone would love him, shaped by traumas during the politicized AIDS epidemic, and he now survives by telling himself he is different today.
  • The man describes long friendships and recurring group vacations, noting he has two longtime friends and sometimes prefers vacationing with one, which risks hurting the other friend.
  • Thomas recommends specialized therapy and peer support, advising the writer to try therapy with specialized therapists and contact support groups while finding room for self-forgiveness and a new narrative.
  • Facing a choice about friendships, he must decide if he can accept hurt feelings or disrupted bonds while still longing for brief happiness and support from others who lived through it.
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11 Articles

Alabama LiveAlabama Live
+6 Reposted by 6 other sources
Center

Asking Eric: After partner’s death, man is consumed by guilt

Dear Eric: I am a mid-70s, single gay man with no close family ties. I never imagined that anyone could or would want to love me. Even when they were right there, showing me how much they cared.

·Alabama, United States
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Waterloo Cedar Falls Courier broke the news in Waterloo, United States on Friday, September 26, 2025.
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