SEX FILES: Perfection is out. So why are we still faking it?

Sext specifically. Hook up sober. Don’t masturbate to an ex.

Illustration: Lia Kantrowitz Even if your sex life is generally good, there are always new things you might try to make it better. Based on my experience teaching a sex writing course, ho phasing, and talking endlessly to friends about sex, I’ve encountered a lot of different strategies and approaches for getting laid with renewed vigor.For even more context, I’ve asked dozens of people —  psychologists, parents, influencers, bottoms — about the…

SEX FILES: Perfection is out. So why are we still faking it?

When I started dating again after my first big breakup, I thought the key to finding love was being as palatable as possible. I devoured online dating advice, carefully curated my profile photos, and enlisted friends to help craft the perfect bio. Desperate to be liked, I said yes to things I usually considered a “hell no.” I agreed to early morning hikes and even went on a 5K “running date,” all in the name of being accommodating.

Romance Helped Me Make Peace with Being Too Much

A lie I’ve been told all my life, and believed for most of it, is that I am too much. I’ve felt different for as long as I can remember, but “too much” didn’t enter until I started being interested in romantic relationships. It started with my body being too big, just on the wrong side of petite. Then I asked too many questions, wanted too many answers. Later, my laugh was too loud. Leading into the ever predictable: I was no fun because I was t…