People who hate being seen struggling should know about the beautiful mess effect — across several studies, observers rated other people's vulnerability as courage while rating their own identical vulnerability as weakness

People who hate being seen struggling should know about the beautiful mess effect — across several studies, observers rated other people's vulnerability as courage while rating their own identical vulnerability as weakness

Nobody wants to be seen struggling. That’s not a personality trait, it’s wiring. For most of human history, showing weakness in front of the group was dangerous, and the instinct to hide it hasn’t gone anywhere. A lot of us manage that instinct well enough. We let a friend see that we’re having a hard time. We ask for help when we need it, even if it takes a minute to get the words out. But some people can’t do that. They’re the ones who drive p…