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How to make – and keep – friends as a grownup, according to science
Jaimie Krems, director of the UCLA Center for Friendship Research, says friendship involves teachable competencies that could solve the loneliness epidemic affecting over half of US adults, which prompted a 2023 Surgeon General Advisory.
Frequent interaction and mutual attraction serve as the two main "ingredients for friendships to form," according to research from Dr. Daniel Hruschka at Arizona State University, where being in the same place repeatedly is enough of a start.
Dartmouth researcher Dr. Janice McCabe suggests identifying "friendship markets"—places where people are open to connecting—while Krems noted that asking for favors can deepen relationships by making others like you better.
Dr. Alison Nagel, who directs the Connection Project at the University of Virginia, says opening with vulnerability increases trust, though she advises maintaining boundaries: "You can be authentic without asking for more than the relationship can give you in that moment."
Social connections reduce the risk of dementia by a third and stroke by half, Krems noted, emphasizing that five minutes of genuine connection is more valuable than waiting for the perfect moment to call a friend.
One day in 2008, when he was just over 20 years old, Jaimie Krems ran into messages from Gchat between one of her closest friends and her roommate. They had written them on their own computer, that their...