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Troutdale, Oregon · Troutdale

Pale Little Oregon Man Spotted in Tank Top; Witnesses in Troutdale Call It

TROUTDALE, OR — In a shocking display of seasonal overconfidence, local man Darren Melby was reportedly seen walking down Main Street in a salmon-pink tank top Thursday morning, sending townsfolk into a mild panic and causing three drivers to swerve. “He was just out there, arms fully exposed like it was mid-July,” said eyewitness Carol Finch, clutching a windbreaker. “I could practically hear his skin sizzling.” Residents described Melby’s comp…Read Article

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