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[Satire] Completely Alone Man Really Thought Blowing Out Birthday Candle In Dark Apartment Would Have Cheered Him Up

Summary by [SATIRE] The Onion
KENOSHA, WI—Stunned at the act’s failure to benefit his mood in any discernible way, completely alone 37-year-old Doug Kaczmarek told reporters Friday that he had really thought blowing out a birthday candle in his dark apartment would cheer him up. “Huh. I expected sitting by myself in the shadows and blowing out a…
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