“Veni, vidi, vici” — I came, I saw, I conquered — is how Julius Caesar reported his war against Pharnaces II of Pontus in the summer of 47 BC, a campaign of about five days and a battle at Zela of four or five hours in which Pharnaces attacked uphill with scythed chariots into an entrenched Roman camp and the veterans of the Sixth Legion rolled up his line. Plutarch puts the words in a letter, Appian in a dispatch to the Senate, Suetonius on a p…