[Satire] Absent-Minded Man Can’t Remember Why He Slathered His Nude Body In Pork Fat And Lit Himself On Fire

[SATIRE] The Onion

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Absent-Minded Man Can’t Remember Why He Slathered His Nude Body In Pork Fat And Lit Himself On Fire

ALPHARETTA, GA—Racking his brain for the reason he decided to apply lard to his person and publicly self-immolate, absent-minded man Tim Bagwell told reporters Tuesday that he couldn’t remember why he slathered his nude body in pork fat and lit himself on fire. “I cannot for the life of me recall why I stripped off…