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Top McSweeney's Internet Tendency News

A Parade of Power: Protests Loom Over Trump's Military Celebration
Donald Trump · United States

A Parade of Power: Protests Loom Over Trump's Military Celebration

58% Center coverage: 115 sources
President Trump warns against protests at a military parade marking the U.S. Army's 250th anniversary in Washington. Law enforcement prepares for large attendance, with permits issued for protests despite no credible threats. Nationwide protests, organized by No Kings, highlight grievances against Trump's policies.See the Story
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Precision-Guided Liberation of Fordow
Economy · Iran

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Precision-Guided Liberation of Fordow

Coverage: 2 sources
Don’t panic, America. Yes, we launched strikes on Iran’s nuclear facilities. Yes, technically, that is an act of war. And yes, the rest of the world is currently googling “how to survive World War III.” But let’s all take a deep breath while the oxygen is still available to us in this pre-fallout world. This was a tactical strike. Tactical. You know, like when a toddler throws a tantrum but only breaks the cheap furniture. Listen, it’s 2025. We’…See the Story
Lex Luthor’s Latest Evil Plan Is Just a Distraction from His Many Villainous Schemes
Donald Trump · Metropolis

Lex Luthor’s Latest Evil Plan Is Just a Distraction from His Many Villainous Schemes

100% Center coverage: 1 sources
“Through calculated chaos and spectacle, Trump distracts the media and public from the dangerous consequences of his agenda.” — Andrew Mitrovica, Al Jazeera - - -Well, he finally did it. Controversial business magnate Lex Luthor has surrounded Earth with LexCorp satellites, targeting their lethal laser beams at every head of state in the world. Unless Superman reveals his secret identity by midnight, Luthor will assassinate presidents and prime …Read Article

Please Don’t Criticize the Devastating Work I Do at the Misery Factory

100% Center coverage: 1 sources
The Misery Factory gets a bad wrap, especially among Millennials and Gen Z, but I’m not sure it’s warranted. It starts with a misunderstanding of what we do. Our slogan, “Ambition Without Vision,” begins to explain the type of work we’re tackling day after day. The core of our mission can be summed up by our passion associated with the three D’s: Dehousing the elderly, Defunding the arts, and Denouncing the orphans (lazy freeloaders). Without ou…MillennialsRead Article

As a Seventy-Two-Year-Old Democrat, Am I Too Young to Run for Congress?

100% Center coverage: 1 sources
Before I blew out all seventy-two candles on my birthday cake this year, I made a wish. I wished for something that had been gnawing at my soul ever since I first received my AARP card. It was finally time to launch my political career. But a sobering thought struck me. Am I perhaps too young to be taken seriously as a Democratic congressperson? I worry that the powers that be might take one look at my salt-and-pepper hair, only slightly elevate…Democratic Party · MarylandRead Article

Acts of Rebellion for the Middle-Aged

Coverage: 2 sources
Hiring a plumber without vetting them across multiple Facebook community forums Starting a movie after 9 p.m. Texting without your glasses Eating a Costco hot dog Celebrating the one-year anniversary of ignoring your car’s “check engine” light Sitting under the ceiling fan you installed after taking two gummies Vacationing without your CPAP machine Parking in a space reserved for shoppers with toddlers Not holding the handrail while riding an es…Facebook · New YorkSee the Story

I Only Had Kids to Blow Off My Single Friends, Particularly Jeff

100% Center coverage: 1 sources
There are numerous reasons why my wife and I decided to have kids, like learning what it means to be parents, and providing an idyllic childhood that we lacked ourselves. But none mattered as much as procreating so we could blow off our single friends, particularly Jeff. When you bring a child into this world, it lets you experience the joy of pushing out friendships from that same world. There is no better excuse to gradually recede from the gu…Read Article

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised, But It Will Be Optimized (Presented in Beta)

100% Center coverage: 1 sources
Gone are the days of storming the gates. In this new era of resistance, we A/B test the gates, analyze the bounce rate of our demands, and push our uprising to GitHub for feedback. Yes, the revolution is here. No, it is not televised. It’s currently available as a limited-access newsletter and a lightly branded Discord server. We don’t burn flags—we adjust brand guidelines. We don’t chant—we run sentiment analysis. We don’t topple systems—we dis…Read Article

I’ve Figured Out What My Mayoral Run Is Missing: I Need to Start Sexually Harassing Women

100% Center coverage: 1 sources
“Cuomo holds his lead one week before primary day, as voters express unease with city’s direction.” — The Manhattan Institute - - -In case you haven’t heard: I’m running for mayor. I have a vision for our city that focuses on improving the lives of working people. However, recently, it has come to my attention that something is missing from my candidacy. What can I do to demonstrate that I’m serious about holding a higher office? I need to start…Andrew Cuomo · New YorkRead Article

Minutes from the Latest Meeting of the Council of Landlords

100% Center coverage: 1 sources
CHAIR: This meeting will come to order. Will the secretary please call roll. SECRETARY: Single Unit Homes? SUH: Here. SECRETARY: Duplexes? DUPLEXES: Here here. SECRETARY: Triplexes? TRIPLEXES: Here here here. SECRETARY: Mom and Pops? M&P: Oh yeah, present. SECRETARY: Conglomerates? CONGLOMERATES: Thanks for your question. I am out of the office for the remainder of the week. In the event of an emergency, call the after-hours number. CHAIR: Is he…Read Article

Welcome to WeStillWork, the Nursing Home for People Who Can’t Afford to Retire

100% Center coverage: 1 sources
Looking forward to your golden years, but afraid you’ll never be able to afford it? Our state-of-the-art facility offers elderly corporate drones the comfort of a living space with the same lack of character as an office cubicle. Be surrounded by like-minded residents like yourself, who will be working on their laptops to pay off their bills until the day they die. Amenities We did everything we could to re-create the best of the environment you…Drones · United StatesRead Article

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