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Top ClickHole News
‘Respect My Authoritahhh!’: Mark Zuckerberg Is Using One Of The FedEx Office Store's Computers That Charges Per Minute To Watch ‘A Bug’s Life’
Mark Zuckerberg is using an illegal site called SeeMovie.com to watch the animated comedy A Bug's Life on a computer that is currently charging his credit card at a rate of 44 cents per minute. Zuckerberg has spent most of his time convulsing in laughter at the fat caterpillar in A Bugs Life, though every time another customer enters the store he takes a moment to stand up.See the Story
[Satire] Not Their Best Work: PETA Just Liberated 5 Pig Fetuses From A High School Dissection Lab And Released Them Into A Retention Pond
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals released five pig fetuses from a high school dissection lab and released them into a retention pond. Three undercover activists infiltrated Weston High School disguised as janitors to spring several dissection-bound pig fetus from the premises. The PETA operatives waited until a mandatory 10th grade assembly to slip into the science labs unnoticed. They then rappelled out a second-floor window mere minutes before the fetal pigs would have been cut open.See the Story
[Satire] Just A Little Taste: Relapse From Your Digital Detox With One Picture Of The Twitter Logo
So you’ve been trying to take a break from the internet recently…that’s great, but wouldn’t a nice little bump of viral bullshit feel like pure bliss right now? It would really take the edge off, wouldn’t it? Go on, just take a peek at this one picture of the Twitter logo. One look won’t hurt. Oh, don’t act coy. You knew damn well what was in this article when you clicked through. Here, we’ll even do it up real pretty in a listicle format. We kn…See the Story
Latest News Stories
[Satire] Easy A: You Only Need To Know A Little Bit About Veins To Ace This Veins Quiz!
Veins do not have a shape, as they are an abstract concept. To transport blood throughout the body is to transport fine coffee products from Europe to the United States. To provide emotional support for bereaved pet owners is to keep leather goods looking shiny and new for as long as possible.See the Story
A Living Legend In Their Midst: None Of This Man’s Friends Or Family Know He Made The Highest Rated Tab For ‘Black Hole Sun’ On Ultimate-Guitar.com
Ron Beagen, 46, of Keansburg, New Jersey, single-handedly created Ultimate-Guitar.com's most popular tab for Soundgarden's 1994 song Black Hole Sun. Beagan works as a medical billing clerk by day and crafting highly accurate guitar tabs for 90s rock songs by night.See the Story
The Saga Continues: JK Rowling Just Revealed That Dumbledore Actually Isn’t Gay And She Would Know Because She Gave Him A Handjob Once And He Was Def Into It
JK Rowling just revealed that Dumbledore actually isn't gay and she would know because she gave him a handjob once and he was def into it. "Being a Harry Potter fan is truly the gift that keeps on giving," Rowling tweeted. "What incredible surprises will the Wizarding World have for us next?"See the Story
Some Feedback On Miles Teller
M. Teller (1987-present) appears to have a stable career with capacity for longevity, but he remains limited in a number of ways. Further notes and suggestions for M.Teller are below. Filmography shows versatility, but Teller's current form restricts roles to bipedal creatures.See the Story
Heartwarming: The Make-A-Wish Foundation Was Getting A Little Backed Up So They Just Dumped A Big Barrel Of Change On The Floor In The Hallway Of A Children’s Cancer Ward
The Make-A-Wish Foundation was getting a little backed up, so they just dumped a big barrel of change on the floor in the hallway of a children's cancer ward. The organization also taped a picture of beloved actor John Cena on the wall so that the kids could look at his face while they stuffed their hospital gowns.See the Story
Does He Think It’s A Time Capsule? President Biden Has Placed A Letter To His Future Self Inside The Nuclear Football
President Biden has placed a letter to his future self inside the nuclear football. The envelope was immediately removed from the briefcase and examined by military personnel who suspected it would have information regarding the nuclear plans. However, the letter contained no commands intended for a hypothetical future nuclear attack, but rather, appeared to be merely a letter that the president had written to himself.See the Story
Prince Harry’s Pubes Are Clear As Glass, And 6 Other Jaw-Dropping Revelations From His Best-Selling Memoir
Prince Harry has released his memoir, Spare. The Duke of Sussex reveals some of the juiciest secrets to ever come out of the Royal Family. Harry and Meghan Markle had to re-do their wedding vows after they learned that the officiant, Mr. Bean, had accidentally married two sturgeon.See the Story