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Asking Eric: Birthday Celebration in Question as Son Is Locked in Dispute with His Father

With the son’s 40th approaching on December 22, the letter writer and her husband face a quandary as the daughter‑in‑law’s plans exclude them.
Longstanding tensions between the husband and son stem from childhood issues, while the parents previously arranged a special trip for the older brother’s 40th, setting expectations for this son’s milestone.
Financially and behaviorally, the situation is marked by the son not working since 2020, the writer freelancing with Social Security about half the husband's, and the husband's frugal dining habits shaping outings.
The columnist recommends open communication, advising R. Eric Thomas to encourage the mother to tell her son she wants to celebrate him and is exploring options, noting a 40th birthday celebration may not occur on the date but groundwork preserves future chances.
Practical steps include consulting a financial adviser and creating a budget for shared expenses, while mother’s self‑care actions like eating out alone help avoid escalating family conflict.

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